Waiting Around
by sn0white09
Summary: Things can change while you're waiting around. Olivia/Porter, Olivia/Elliot. Chapter 3 up!
1. Thought

**Waiting Around**

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Rating: **K+, for now

**Summary: **Things can happen while you're waiting around.

**Pairing:** Olivia/Elliot, Olivia/Porter

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned them, but I don't... so there you go.

**AN:** My first L&O: SVU fic! I wrote this a while ago and completely forgot about it, but here it is anyway. Takes place during and after the last scene of 'Infiltrated' so in terms of spoilers, anything in and up to season 8 is fair game. Please enjoy, read, and review!

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**Chapter 1: Thought**

"I was only ten_," echoed the voice of Britney Dunlap in Olivia's head, its shaky quality lodging itself into a memory full of crying, broken victims. Olivia knew that countless other voices would soon join Britney's in that part of her brain reserved for all the gruesome details she witnessed day in and day out._

_**************************************************  
_

Walking out of the observation room and shutting the door behind her, Olivia turned to face Porter. "She has Stockholm Syndrome." They both glanced back into the room through the window to see Britney reconnecting with her parents after seven years of being away from them.

"Fell in love with her captor. Stopped trying to escape years ago. Probably had dozens of chances to before she killed him," Porter replied, looking at Olivia.

Olivia shook her head. "No jury in the world would convict her," her voice was tinged with empathy.

"Who's pressing charges?" Olivia gave Porter an understanding smile, but as she looked at him she noticed something in him that she hadn't seen over the last few weeks that they had worked together. A shred of humanity. He had been cold and detached in his demeanor and she knew that his job required it, but it nearly shocked her to see that there was something living and warm beneath his stoic exterior.

"She'll get psychiatric care?" She knew what his response would be but she asked anyway for lack of a better question to fill the increasingly awkward silence.

"Yeah." Porter nodded and watched Olivia intently.

Feeling his gaze on her, Olivia asked, "What?"

"You _do_ have a little knack with victims." Caught off guard, Olivia almost gave in to the temptation to gloat or respond in mock-arrogance but that would have brought their exchange dangerously close to what could be considered banter, or worse, flirting. God knew she didn't need that with another partner, however temporary, so she settled for a simple smile of thanks.

Suddenly, snapping Olivia out of her reverie, Porter said, "Oh! I almost forgot…"

_**************************************************_

Later that day, Olivia stood in her hotel room, looking out at the street below her. She knew she should have gone to bed to get a few hours of sleep before flying back to New York, but she figured that it'd be pointless. Not that she wasn't tired, it _had_ been a long day, but her brain was wide awake processing the events of the last few days. At the thought of having to testify at Chelsea's trial, her mind flitted back to New York. She missed the city and, most of all, her squad; they were the closest thing, hell, the _only_ thing resembling a real family to her. But despite all of that she was somewhat glad for her time away. All the tension and the feeling that she was constantly walking on eggshells dissipated with every day that passed while she was in Oregon, but pretty soon she'd be back at work with Elliot and she knew the tension would return.

Ever since Elliot's separation from his wife she always felt like she was waiting around for something from him. She didn't know exactly _what_ she was waiting for, but it made her feel a little silly, almost as if she was a teenager again waiting for a boy to call. That feeling only intensified after the Gitano ordeal. Their conversation outside of Rebecca Clifford's hospital room seemed like an admission that their feelings towards each other extended further than those intended for a coworker. Olivia by no means assumed that he was confessing his undying love for her, only that he cared for and needed her. And of course he needed her; they were partners, after all, and like she told Porter during the car ride to Butteville, they were best friends, so there was no doubt in her mind that he cared about her. So his words really shouldn't have changed anything… but something _did_ change, or at least it seemed that way on her end.

A soft knock on Olivia's door brought her back to the present. For a moment she wasn't even sure that she'd heard it so she hesitated before making her way towards the door and opening it.

"Porter?"

_**************************************************_

Dean Porter was not one to dwell on things, so he was surprised that he found himself knocking on Olivia's hotel door, feeling the need to talk about what happened that day. He knocked quietly and waited, fully aware of the possibility that she might be resting up before her flight back to New York. He waited for what seemed like an eternity and he began to walk away when the door slowly opened behind him.

"Porter?" She seemed a little shocked to see him there, almost as if she was expecting someone else.

"May I?" He motioned to the inside her room with his hand when she didn't immediately let him in.

"Yeah, sorry, come on in," Olivia shook herself out of her stupor and closed the door. "Would you like something to drink?" She made her away to the mini-bar, thinking to offer him a bottle of water, when she saw his face and decided he would probably opt for something stronger.

The blue light of the late evening was giving in to the darkness of night, but there were no lights on in the room. "How do you do it?" Porter asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"It's easy. I simply pull out a bottle and pour it into a glass," Porter rolled his eyes, knowing she understood full well what he meant.

"How do you do this every day? How do you handle seeing traumatized victims of unspeakable crimes and not become jaded or bitter?"

_Good question_, Olivia thought, and for a moment a picture of Munch, the ultimate cynic, popped into her head but she pushed it away. "It's my job and it's hard, but someone has to do it, right?"

He considered her answer and a few minutes passed before he spoke again. "Do you ever get used to it?"

"No," she replied bluntly. "Every victim is as heartbreaking as the first one. You just learn to control your reactions better, or to hide them better, I suppose. But it's always personal, no matter how hard you try to disassociate yourself from them. And sometimes… sometimes, it feels like we're not even making a difference because we always find one more rape victim, one more abused child. But you find something to help you keep going."

"And what is it for you?"

"I don't have any children," Porter found it difficult to read her expression in the growing darkness, but he was sure that he heard a hint of regret in her voice. "But my partner does and those kids are like family to me. I never told him this, but I always see something in our victims that reminds me of them. I suppose it's because… the only difference between the victims and Elliot's kids is that they have someone to look out for them…"

"So you want to look out for the victims," Porter finished for her. Her explanation seemed a little too simple to him and he was willing to bet that there was something far deeper and darker behind it, but he wasn't going to push it. Not for the moment, at least.

"Yeah," she whispered into the dark.

Suddenly feeling like he got more than he bargained for, Porter composed himself and stood up, heading to the door. Olivia quickly jumped to her feet and followed him. "Hey," she called after him. "What you're going through right now… it's perfectly normal."

Porter turned around and froze in his place. After searching for something appropriate to say and finding nothing he just nodded. "Good luck in court," he added lamely and left Olivia standing in the middle of the dark hotel room, a confused expression on her face.

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**AN: **Again, please read and review.


	2. Misplaced

**Rating: **K+, for now

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned them, but I don't... so there you go.

**AN:** This chapter is set before, during, and after 'Underbelly', so there's your spoiler alert. Please read and let me know what you think!

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**Chapter 2: Misplaced**

_Being somebody else sure was hard work._

Olivia walked back into her apartment after returning from yet another trip to the grocery store, this time trading in a can of coffee for that herbal tea that Hope got her hooked on. She found it slightly funny that she was sent to infiltrate a group of environmentalists and walked away more a part of them than she would have been comfortable admitting. Her fast-food, caffeine-heavy habits were slowly being replaced with organic and healthy ones. Not that it was a bad thing, but it made her think about the little spiel Porter gave her about getting 'too close to the subject'.

Olivia unlocked her door for the fourth time that day and had the same sad reaction to the sight of her dusty apartment. She'd been back in New York for a couple of days and still hadn't worked up the courage to tackle the two months worth of dust that had settled itself among her furniture. Sadder still was the fact that having been unused for several weeks, her apartment looked as it always had. It was really just a place where Olivia came to sleep, shower, eat a proper meal when the rare opportunity presented itself, and spend the few days off she had from work.

Ah, work. Other than attending and testifying at Chelsea's trial she hadn't really been back at 'work'. And even then, the only person she'd spoken to was Casey who was under the false impression that she was still undercover. But after two days filled with nothing but unsuccessful grocery shopping trips and watching bad movies on TV, she was more than ready to go back. She was ready to be Olivia Benson again.

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Walking up the steps of the 1-6, Olivia made her way to the SVU squad room and pushed through the familiar doors. Right away she looked towards the adjoined desks where she and Elliot worked and saw a blonde woman digging through some files. Before taking the time to make the logical assumption that this woman could be her replacement, Olivia instinctively thought, _what the hell is she doing in my chair?_

Olivia approached the woman and spoke up. "Excuse me," the blonde looked up at Olivia with her blue eyes, "I'm looking for Detective Stabler."

The woman glanced toward the interview rooms behind her and responded. "He's in interrogation. Maybe I can help you; I'm his partner, Dani Beck."

_Partner?_ Slightly confused, Olivia struggled for words. "Oh... no, that's okay. Um…is the Captain in his office?"

Dani nodded, and with an annoyingly amused smirk added, "Sure."

"Okay. Thanks," Olivia said quietly and walked into Cragen's office. As she entered he looked up at her and she couldn't help but smile. This man was like a father to her and she'd really missed him while she was away.

"Olivia." Cragen stood up, looking surprised, but glad, to see her. "When did you get back?"

"A couple of days ago."

"And One P.P. forgot to notify me." The disdain in his voice for his superiors was actually endearing to her. "I haven't got a spot for you. Warren sent a body to partner with Elliot," he added regrettably.

Swallowing a snide comment about Elliot's luck with blondes, Olivia said, "Yeah, I just met her." She turned to the window to look back out at her old desk. "How's that working out?"

"It was a rough start but its all good now."

Still looking out at the squad room, Olivia saw Elliot join his new partner at her desk. They seemed so… relaxed together. He seemed so at ease with this Dani, like he didn't need her anymore. A wave of emotion hit Olivia hard and her eyes began to water a little. What did she really expect would happen once she came back? That everything would be as it was and that the world wouldn't have moved on? That he'd be waiting for her just like she'd been waiting for him all this time?

"I could shift her back out but it might take a little time to find her a new home."

Drying her eyes before facing Cragen, she quickly replied, "No, don't. I'm not ready to come back," she said, feeling like it was the biggest lie she'd ever told. "That's what I came to tell you."

She headed for the side door where she knew Elliot wouldn't have been able to see her leaving.

Cragen looked concerned, not buying her lie. "You're gonna leave without seeing Elliot?"

"Well, he's busy, I'll… uh… I'll catch up with him later," she wasn't even going to bother to try sounding sincere this time. "And… don't tell him I was here." She waved goodbye to Cragen and left feeling like she'd just been betrayed by the one person she'd thought meant the world to her.

Olivia walked home quickly. She didn't want to have time to process what had just happened but when she got home she realized that there was nothing, and no one, to keep her distracted. Wanting to call someone to talk to, she almost dialed Casey's phone number but rejected the idea because she knew that Casey would probably let it leak to Elliot that she was back. And she couldn't face him just yet. She continued scrolling down the list of contacts on her phone and suddenly stopped. Porter. She wondered what the protocol was for contacting ex-case agents and whether their numbers changed after closed operations. _Oh, what the hell? Here goes nothing._ She typed in a brief message and pressed 'send' before she could change her mind.

* * *

He felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out of his jacket. Looking down at the screen, he nearly choked on his beer as he read the message. It wasn't so much what the message contained that startled him, but who it was from. After their strange conversation in her hotel room and the way he had left, Porter was never expecting to hear from Olivia Benson again. He composed a message of his own in response, letting her know he was in the city and told her to meet him at a coffee shop he knew would be open this late. Leaving a few bills to cover the total he left the bar and headed towards the coffee shop himself.

He didn't know where she lived but she must have lived close because he could already see her sitting at a booth when he walked through the doors. He placed his order at the counter and then walked over to the booth and slid in across from her. On his walk over he had time to think about why she'd called him and he assumed that she just wanted to clear the air. It seemed a little strange that she'd want to at all, though. It's not as if they were friends, or even acquaintances. In fact, he didn't really expect that they'd run into each other after the eco-terrorism bust was over. But he couldn't deny that he was glad that she'd contacted him.

"Hey. I didn't think you were in New York. I hope I didn't wake you," Olivia said as she studied his tired face and blood-shot eyes.

"I wasn't sleeping. I have a couple of days off since I'm in between cases and I don't know what to do with myself."

"I know the feeling."

"And here I thought you'd be back working sex crimes with that best friend of yours." Did he imagine it or did she just shoot him the coldest look?

"It seems that… uh… my spot's been filled for the moment." He couldn't decide whether that was jealousy or resentment in her voice.

Knowing by the tone of her voice that this wasn't quite the smartest path to continue down, he said nothing and just thought of something to say, not wanting to deal with what he thought the main issue was just yet. His train of thought was interrupted by the welcome distraction in the form of the waitress bringing him his order. He noticed that she wasn't drinking anything. "Want some coffee?" Porter motioned to the empty space in front of her.

"No thanks, I don't drink that stuff anymore."

"Right. I forgot you're a tree-hugger now too." She smiled at that but he knew he'd struck a nerve when the smile didn't reach her eyes. She was probably uncomfortable having been affected by the assignment that much.

For a while, neither of them said anything and just continued to sit in companionable silence. Picking up his mug, Porter studied her face over the rim. She was beautiful, he wasn't going to deny that, and he'd noticed it when they were first introduced too. But now there was nothing to keep him from appreciating it. There was no professionalism to maintain; there was nothing at stake. Like any single man sitting across from a beautiful woman, he began entertaining the possibility of… _no, it would never work_, he thought suddenly. Putting aside the hectic schedules they kept, it came down to the fact that they were both in a line of work that made it difficult to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships, and he'd seen how she was affected by it during the time they'd worked together. She was warm with the victims, but everyone else was kept at arm's length. He wondered what possibly attracted her to that.

She must have noticed how long he was staring at her because she finally spoke up. "So you gonna drink that coffee or keep staring at me?"

"You gonna tell me what you wanted to talk about or should I just keep staring at you?" Porter retorted and was surprised when she laughed, _actually_ laughed, and found himself loving the sound of it.

"You're right," she began.

He could see that she was uncomfortable bringing it up so he did it for her. "Listen, about the other night at your hotel room… I'm sorry." He looked down at the contents of his mug. "I didn't mean to lay it all out on you and then just storm out like that. It was rude, but I assure you that it had nothing to do with you," he finished, looking up.

As he spoke, a look of confusion crossed her face and for a moment she was about to interrupt him but then her usual calm reappeared and all she said was, "That's alright. Everyone needs someone to talk to." Seeing the faintest hint of sadness in her eyes, he finally understood that this wasn't about their conversation in the hotel room. It was about something else. Probably someone else.

"Oh… I feel a little foolish now y'know. Here I was bringing up an awkward situation for nothing," he said lightly. "So… what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what happened that you had to call someone you don't particularly like and who knows next to nothing about you asking to talk and you're not even saying anything. I'm sure you have friends you could talk to."

"I don't not like you, Porter. I mean… I like you." Olivia began stumbling over her words, trying to correct herself. "You know what I mean." A blush began to creep up her cheeks.

Porter laughed for what felt like the first time in weeks. He didn't know what he found more endearing, that she chose to focus on that particular statement or that she managed to avoid the whole question altogether in an embarrassingly, fifth-grader way. "Thanks."

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Sitting alone in the cab later that night after walking Olivia home, Porter replayed their conversation in his head. He thought he sensed something shift in the air, some sort of ice break between them. And even though she never actually told him what it is he thought he was there to listen to, he felt like he'd still helped in some way and he found himself wanting to do it again for the most selfish of reasons. Because when they reached her building, she hugged him and her hair felt so soft pressed against his cheek, and her breath sent shivers down his spine as she pulled away, whispering "thanks".

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**AN:** Some definite EO is coming up in the next chapter. And again... please, please, please review!


	3. Anger

**Rating: **K+, for now

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned them, but I don't... so there you go.

**AN:** This chapter is set at the end of and post 'Underbelly'. This is the last chapter where I'll be using direct scenes from the show (because I know it's kind of a cheap trick). Anywho, please read and review!

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**Chapter 3: Anger**

_So a perp was dead and the only thing that made him feel bad about it was all the paperwork they were going to have to do. _

It was early in the morning and they had just sent a confused, young girl to be examined at the hospital. Elliot was concerned for Dani; she had just killed a man and he knew she was beating herself up inside, even if the bastard did deserve it. He looked around for her amidst the chaos of police cars and ambulance trucks and finally spotted her by a railing overlooking the Hudson. She was staring out at the water and he came and stood beside her. Putting his arm on her back, he asked, "Are you okay?" She turned her head to look at him but didn't respond. "Alright, come on, I'll drive you home."

Dani pulled away from him. "I need to be alone right now," she said quietly. It was the exact opposite of what she needed and he knew all about that better than she did. He didn't bother to argue with her, though; it had been a hard case for everyone, including him, and he just wanted to go home and forget about it. He kept thinking about all those girls they'd found on the street about to prostitute themselves for money just to please this "Victor". He remembered how young they were, practically the same age as Lizzie. It was always harder for him when there were kids involved. The darker side of him had the tendency to replace the victims' faces with his children's and as horrific as those images were, it was difficult to get them out of his head. _Why?_ He wondered. Maybe he just liked to torture himself.

Elliot crossed the lot and almost reached his car when he heard Dani call out behind him. "Elliot, wait!" _Wow, that was fast._ He wasn't used to his partner coming around that quickly. _She's not Olivia_, he thought to himself. It was a fact that Dani liked to remind him of on an almost daily basis. She looked at him, as if reading his mind. "I'm fine, and no, I still don't want to talk about it. I just forgot to tell you something. Someone came by to see you the other day while you were in interrogation. A woman. I didn't catch her name."

"Kathy?" Dani had never met her but had seen a picture of her and the kids that Elliot still kept in his wallet.

Dani shook her head. "No, she was a brunette. Seemed like she knew Cragen, though. Went right into his office after I told her you were busy."

It didn't take Elliot long to reach the inevitable conclusion. _Olivia?_

He could sense Dani watching him, trying to get a read on him, as a myriad of emotions displayed themselves across his face. Confusion, realization, disbelief, and the most familiar of them all, anger. He didn't know where this sudden rush of anger was directed. Was it because Dani waited until now to tell him? Was it towards Cragen, who obviously knew something and didn't tell him? Or because Olivia, damn her, left him yet again without so much as a word?

"I have to go." He got into his car and slammed the door violently, speeding away and leaving a stunned Dani in his wake.

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Elliot didn't know what to do. Two hours ago all he wanted to do was go home and sleep for a week, but then Dani dropped a bomb on him and now all he wanted was to yell at someone or punch something. He knew he shouldn't be driving when he's that angry, it was worse than being drunk. He also knew better than heading to the precinct and confronting Cragen in his particular state of mind this early in the morning. But common sense had disappeared long ago and instead of going home and cleaning up, Elliot found himself back at work, hurrying past people with various stacks of paperwork in their hands and not even bothering to apologize to the janitor he'd almost knocked over.

Elliot threw the door of Cragen's office wide open and leaned on his desk. "Why the hell didn't you tell me that she's back?" He kept his voice down, but what his words lacked in volume they made up for in a seething fury.

Cragen stood up and closed the door before turning around and facing Elliot. "And what the hell do you think gives you the right to barge in here and disrespect me in front of the squad? I'm getting damn tired of your outbursts!"

"She's my partner."

"Dani's your partner now!"

They were eye-to-eye, both fuming and red. Elliot knew from a long history of personal experience that nothing pissed Cragen off more than insubordination.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He repeated, his voice softer this time but still angry and hurt.

"It was in everyone's best interests."

"_Whose_ best interests, exactly?"

"I suggest you stop questioning everything I do around here." Cragen lowered his voice. "You better pull your head outta your ass and start setting an example that your partner can follow."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know damn well what it means."

Elliot pressed his lips into a thin line. "Stop dodging my questions and tell me what the hell you're hiding from me."

Cragen was clearly getting fed up with him, but Elliot was too angry to care. "Go home, Elliot. I don't wanna see you here 'till Monday morning. Dani can partner up with Munch for the time being."

"You're sending me home? What if I said 'no'?"

"I'll say this slowly so that you can get it through that thick head of yours: you can either come back on Monday or don't come back at all," Cragen warned him.

Elliot turned to leave, his hand on the door handle, when Cragen spoke. "She wasn't ready to come back."

Elliot turned his head and gave Cragen a look that said he knew that wasn't the whole story. "And you believed it?" Cragen's silence was his answer. "I think I'll just go and see for myself."

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"And why is that?"

Cragen hesitated before replying, "She asked me not to tell you that she was here." That hit him. Angry tears were forming in his eyes. He nodded to himself and tried to blink them away before leaving. This was the last place he wanted to be seen crying.

Elliot walked back out to the bullpen, where everyone was pretending that they hadn't heard the Captain and him arguing. But he knew better. Elliot went to his desk to gather up a few personal belongings and some paperwork he wanted to finish before returning on Monday. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Munch and Fin passing strange looks between each other, Cragen's office, and Elliot. Thinking nothing of it, he simply chose to ignore it and concentrated on the task at hand. "Olivia must be back," he heard Fin mutter to Munch to which he responded with a smirk. _What the hell did he just say?_

"What the hell did you just say?" Elliot spun to face Fin.

"I said 'Olivia must be back'," Fin repeated himself, never one to back down. "We haven't heard arguments that loud since she was here and the two of you were battling it out."

At Elliot's glare and flared nostrils, Munch clearly felt compelled to add, "Relax, it was just a joke." Elliot didn't appreciate them making jokes at his expense, but Munch's comment diffused the situation enough to allow Elliot to storm out without throwing a single punch.

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Elliot didn't know where the day had gone. Aside from taking a shower and downing some take-out, he hadn't accomplished a single thing. For about the hundredth time that day he found himself at a loss of what to do, so he drove around the city aimlessly. He was still angry, downright pissed, in fact, but hurt and disappointment were more prevalent in the mix now. He didn't understand what was happening with him and Olivia. They were good partners, and even better friends. Ever since she came into his life she was there for everything, the good and the bad, especially after Kathy left him and took the kids with her. So why wouldn't Olivia let him be there when things were obviously going awry in her life? What had he done to deserve her constantly leaving him, ignoring him, without an explanation? He tried to think back to when things started to go wrong between the two of them. After the whole Gitano thing last year, probably the greatest in a long line of screw-ups, he'd told Olivia that she and the job were all he had left. And, yes, he'd said something about how they jeopardized the job for each other but all he meant to say was they needed to change perspectives, not necessarily partners. And he certainly didn't mean for her to leave him. How did she not get that? When did they stop thinking along the same lines?

He heard cars honking around him and he realized that the red light he'd been stopped at had turned green a while ago. Elliot took a deep breath and wondered what the hell was wrong with him. Maybe it was that he was constantly watching his life falling apart around him. First his marriage, then his family, his friends, and even his job lately. It must all be his fault. He was always the one screwing things up. That's why he liked working with Dani; she made him feel competent when she was the one making all the rookie mistakes. It used to be like that with Olivia too when she first joined the squad, but somewhere along the line, and he didn't know when, he began to lose focus and she was the stable one out of the two of them. He'd love to blame it all on her but he couldn't. And yet he was still angry and felt like he had every right to be but sometimes he couldn't even see the point in trying anymore because clearly Olivia sure as hell didn't care anymore. She was constantly leaving him. She left him after Gitano, she left him for the feds, and she even had the nerve to hang up on him. Christ, she'd talk to Fin before she talked to him.

Elliot found himself parked in front of Olivia's building but couldn't quite bring himself to exit the car. He crossed his arms over the steering wheel and rested his head on them. He missed her. He missed her so damn much and it felt like a part of him had been torn out and he was afraid that it was lost, that he'd never get it back.

He had to do something about it. Elliot got out of the car and locked it behind him. He made his way up the front steps of the building and was about to hit the buzzer when someone on their way out left the door open. "Thanks," Elliot said.

"No problem," replied the man. He was clearly in a bit of a hurry but paused for a moment and gave Elliot a strange look, as if he recognized him from somewhere.

"Something wrong?" Elliot asked.

"Nah, thought you looked familiar but I can't place you. Just one of those days, y'know?"

"Yeah," Elliot said and gave a small chuckle before continuing inside and heading up the stairwell to the fifth floor. He stood in front of her door for what seemed like forever. He didn't know if she'd still be awake, if she'd be mad, or if he should have called first. _Doesn't matter now_, Elliot thought, _I'm already here_. He knocked twice on the door, softly enough that if she was asleep it wouldn't disturb her. But she wasn't asleep, because not ten seconds after he knocked, she opened the door and he saw her for the first time in over two months and his breath caught in his throat.

"Elliot?"

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**AN:** This isn't the EO I had in mind for this chapter, but some interaction between them will definitely be in the next one. Hope you enjoyed it so please review!!!!


	4. Unresolved

**Rating: **K+

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned them, but I don't... so there you go.

**AN:** For some reason, this chapter took me a while to write. Hopefully it comes across the way I intended. Also, I really appreciate the comments and reviews so please keep them coming!

And to answer the question of whether this is going to end up being Olivia/Elliot or Olivia/Porter… I don't know. And even if I did, I wouldn't give it away.

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**Chapter 4: Unresolved**

_No wonder she was romantically challenged. For the most part, Olivia tended to meet only three types of men: cops, suspects, and reporters. Reporters only wanted information, second only to sex, of course. Suspects… well, that was a no-brainer. There was a reason why they were suspects. And cops were coworkers and that wasn't allowed…especially when they were married. _

Porter was the one to call _her_ this time, but Olivia heard the phone too late and didn't reach it in time to answer it before the machine picked up. She dialed his phone number and he answered right away.

"Hey, Porter. You called?" She was curious to find what he wanted.

"Hi, Olivia. Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to join me for dinner tonight." The man sure didn't waste time on idle chatter. The idea threw her off and at her silence he added, "I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd give you a call."

She saw right through his weak excuse, but it made her smile. She thought it was adorable… not a word typically associated with the actions of middle-aged federal agents. Olivia accepted his invitation and suggested a little Italian restaurant a few blocks down whose take out menu she'd committed to memory long ago. It wasn't anything particularly fancy; it was just casual enough for a dinner between friends, but a definite step up from the coffee shop where they had met last time.

Olivia knew that Porter's intentions were purely platonic and that this was not a date. Still, those facts didn't stop her from trying on at least six different outfits, while immersed in a half-hour long internal debate about whether she should or shouldn't wear lipstick. And they certainly didn't quell the butterflies that had materialized in the pit of her stomach.

It'd been a long time since she had dinner with a man who wasn't a "date", the only notable exception being Elliot. At the thought of him, she felt a little guilty about not having called him yet, but she was sure that word of her return had somehow reached him by now and if he really wanted to see her he would have already. It was a feeble attempt at trying to transfer the blame on to someone else, but it served its purpose for the moment. She put all thoughts of Elliot aside and focused her attention on Porter.

Regardless, Olivia thoroughly enjoyed herself at dinner. Throughout their conversation, she began wondering how she'd initially misjudged Porter when she realized how much they had in common. They were both dedicated to and consumed by their careers; they had both witnessed extraordinary and horrific things on the job; and for the most part, they were both alone, without a family.

When they were finally finished dinner they stepped outside and took in the chill of the evening air. Olivia thought it'd be awkward parting for the night but it seemed natural when Porter fell in step with her as she turned in the direction of her apartment. At last they ended up on the stoop in front of her building.

She opened her mouth to wish him a good night but instead found herself saying, "Do you want to come up for a drink? I do kind of owe you for dinner."

"You still drink?"

"We all have our vices."

"Some more than others, I suppose," Porter retorted, smiling, "But yes, I'd love to join you for a drink." She didn't realize how nervous she was about the possibility that he might reject her offer until she felt relief wash over her at his acceptance.

He held the door open for her and followed her up the stairs. They'd gotten to her floor and while she was unlocking the door she sent a quick prayer of thanks to whatever was responsible for her finally cleaning her apartment. He walked in behind her and she took both of their jackets and hung them on a chair. She turned her head and noticed that he looking around and wondered what kind of judgment he was passing on the place she chose to call home.

While he was inspecting the contents of her living room and looking at framed photographs, she went into the kitchen and pulled out two wineglasses and quickly rinsed them off before bringing them, along with a bottle of red wine, into the living room, setting them down on the coffee table.

"So what do you think?"

Porter thought for a moment. "Reminds me of my place."

"I don't know whether I should take that as an insult or a compliment."

"I just meant that it seems… familiar, comfortable."

Olivia poured wine into both of their glasses and then handed one to Porter. He clinked his glass against hers and gave her a warm smile. She felt a wave of heat spread through her veins and she hadn't even taken a sip of the wine. She raised the glass to her lips to hide the blush she was sure was quickly spreading on her cheeks.

They sat beside each other on the couch, the silence between them charged and it was almost overbearing. In an attempt to distract herself, Olivia asked, "Have you gone back to work yet?"

"I'm still waiting for my next assignment, but I haven't gotten the call yet. Sometimes it seems like half the job is waiting around," he sighed and continued, "How about you? Have they found you a spot?"

Olivia took a sip of the wine before answering. "No, I was thinking of transferring to another squad. I did a bit of work in computer crimes last year, so maybe I'll go back there."

"I honestly think your talents would be wasted there." She was about to thank him when the ringing of his phone interrupted her. "I'm sorry, I have to take this." She nodded in understanding and watched as he went to stand in front of the window, speaking quietly back into the phone. The call was brief but apparently important because he turned to her and said, "I'm sorry again but it looks like I have to go."

She got up and followed him to the door, handing him his jacket. "It's alright, I understand." She hoped he couldn't hear the disappointment in her voice.

Porter was about to open the door but instead turned around and looked Olivia in the eyes. "I'm glad you came to dinner with me. I'm really enjoying spending time with you," he said sincerely.

"Me too," she replied softly.

"Good night, Olivia." He held eye contact with her for another moment before opening the door and leaving.

"Good night," she sighed to the closed door and slumped against it.

She walked back into the living room and noticed a watch on the floor and figured it must have fallen out of his jacket at some point, so she picked it up and placed it on the table. She was about to take the wineglasses back into the kitchen when she heard someone knocking. Figuring it was Porter who must have realized that he left his watch behind she went back to the door and opened it. But it wasn't Porter on the other side.

"Elliot?"

* * *

Olivia seemed to be stuck in the doorway, stunned silent and immobile by his presence.

"Why didn't you tell me you were back?" Waiting for an answer and not receiving one, he added, "Why the hell didn't you want me to know?" He knew he was coming off as frenzied but he didn't care. He thought she'd be glad to see him but obviously there was something he was missing as to what he'd done to deserve what he interpreted to be such a cold treatment.

Still unable to speak, Olivia just watched as Elliot pushed past her, entering uninvited, and automatically closed the door behind her.

"Elliot… I… uh…" she stuttered.

"Why is it that I'm always the last person to find these things out?" Looking at her face, he could tell she was trying to regain her composure.

"I was going to tell you, but you were busy. I didn't wanna bother you."

"Bull." He turned around and stalked off into the living room. As he took in the familiar sight, Elliot noticed an open bottle of wine accompanied by two glasses on the table. He looked back at Olivia, scrutinizing her appearance. She was dressed nicely and her hair hung loose over her shoulders, framing her face. She seemed to notice the once-over he was giving her because she blushed slightly in self-consciousness. She could see that he knew that she had been with someone prior to his visit. For a moment a look of guilt flashed through her eyes and he wondered just what it was she was feeling guilty about.

"Why are you so mad?"

"I'm not mad."

"Coulda fooled me." Olivia stood with her arms crossed, looking ready for a fight.

"I'm just confused, Liv. I thought we were friends," Elliot paced back and forth. "I thought that we…" He couldn't finish the sentence. Any combination of words that he could have conjured up at that moment would have been completely inadequate to describe the depth of the connection between them, though he wasn't so sure it was there anymore. It seemed like their relationship, as significant as it was to him, was slowly falling apart and he feared that there was no way of fixing it. "I thought that we meant something to each other, but you keep running off."

"I didn't just _run off_, El. The feds dragged me into it and you know that!"

"But I haven't heard from you at all in two months and then you come back and avoid me. If I had known where you were I would have tried to contact you. But you didn't. You knew where I was the entire time and I didn't hear a single word from you." She opened her mouth and began to respond to his accusation but he continued, "And I'm not just talking about these past two months. Even before you left for Oregon we were having issues."

"I told you, El… it was too complicated."

"Y'know, I thought it was a bullshit excuse then and it's still a bullshit excuse now." He was frustrated and the pacing was making him dizzy. He sat down on the couch, glaring at the objects on the coffee table.

Olivia sat down beside him and put her hand on his arm. "What is this really about?"

"You know how I hate talking about these things, but…" he paused, chewing on his bottom lip. "I've been so alone."

"And you don't think I know what that feels like?"

"At least you didn't have someone and then lose them."

Elliot realized a little too late what he'd said and he could see how much his comment had hurt her.

"Oh, well, you're right… I should consider myself lucky," she didn't hide the bitter edge to her voice. "Now I can see why your family would leave you."

It felt like a slap to the face but he knew he deserved it. "Liv, I'm so—"

"Don't bother," she cut him off. Standing up, she added, "You should go."

Elliot felt like he was glued to his seat but somehow he managed to stand up and follow her to where she stood with the door open. He tried to look into her eyes and apologize silently but she averted her gaze from his, not before he noticed the unshed tears. It broke him that he was the one who made her feel like that. He walked out the door and cringed when she slammed the door behind him.

* * *

Porter was the kind of man who liked to keep busy, so after a case was over he'd always anxiously await the call for his next assignment. But for the first time in years, he actually felt like he was leaving something behind and was dreading it. He didn't really know what it was about Olivia or what they had… whether they were just casual acquaintances brought together by mutual boredom or whether there was some burgeoning potential for a real relationship. He wasn't usually impulsive, he always thought rationally and weighed his options carefully before making a choice, but it was clear to him that this was a risk worth taking. So after picking up his plane ticket for a flight to California scheduled for that afternoon, he decided to make an important stop.

He wondered whether he should have called instead, but he wanted to see her face to face. He knocked on her door and waited a while, thinking she was probably out but she finally opened it. When Olivia saw that it was him she smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes and he sensed that something was amiss. He came in and she asked him if he was there to get the watch that he'd left behind the previous night.

"I was looking for that. The chain broke and I've been meaning to get it fixed. But actually…" he paused, not knowing how to continue. "I'm here to let you know that I'll be out of town for a while on a case. I wanted to tell you personally."

"I appreciate that you came here to tell me." There was definitely something off about her. Her eyes were bloodshot and she looked like she hadn't slept all.

"Olivia, is something wrong?"

She looked down. "No, I'm fine. I just had a little trouble sleeping."

He could sense that that wasn't all. "Tell me the truth."

"It's nothing, really. I just had a silly fight with a friend." But the tears forming in her eyes told him that it was more than just a silly fight and that this friend was obviously someone significant to her. He slowly closed the space between them and pulled her chin up so that she was forced to look into his eyes. He desperately wanted to comfort her but he didn't know if she'd let him. Her eyes roamed over his face, from his eyes to his lips and back into his eyes again, and he took that as a sign of permission. He gently covered her lips with his own and kissed her. She laid one hand flat against his chest and the other snaked around his neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. After a moment, when the lack of air became somewhat of a pressing issue, they both pulled away and he pressed his forehead against hers. "I don't want you to go," she whispered.

Sighing regrettably, he replied, "Neither do I. But I have no choice."

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know." He pulled her into a hug and held her tightly. "I'll call you when I get the chance."

"I'll be waiting." And with that he left. Already, he couldn't wait to come back home.


	5. Choice

**Rating: **K+

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned them, but I don't... so there you go.

**AN:** Wow, it's definitely been quite a while since I last updated (I blame school) but I finally got around to it. Thanks for all the reviews; they were just the motivation I needed.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Choice**

_Making split-second judgments that could change people's lives forever was almost impossible to come to grips with at times. But it was the personal decisions that kept them up at night… _

_{{Two months later…}}_

Olivia was staring at the screen trying hard to focus, but the words and numbers were all blurring together into one big colourful mess. She rubbed her eyes but it didn't do her any good. Sensing a headache coming on she rested her head in her hands for a moment, but a tap on her shoulder made her jump in her chair. Apparently she wasn't the only one left in the squad room after hours. "Go home Benson. You can finish up the rest of the scans on Monday. We can afford to take our time with this one." It was Jackson, captain of computer crimes.

"I know. I just don't like leaving things unfinished."

"Well, if you keep staring at that computer any longer you'll go blind… and of what use will you be to us then?" She liked Jackson; he was laid back, but he ran a tight ship. Of course, it was easy to avoid loose canons when you didn't have to deal with blood, torture, pain, and brutality on an all too regular basis.

Olivia stretched her arms out in front of her and stifled a yawn. "You're probably right." She looked at her phone, a habit she'd unconsciously picked up over the last two months, but there were no new messages or missed calls. She grabbed her phone as well as several other personal belongings and threw them into her bag.

Before leaving, she looked around the room, which was normally filled with people walking around, the sound of their footsteps and off-topic conversations drowning out the click-clacking of people typing at what seemed like lightning speed. Even when the room was full of people she sometimes felt alone, alienated. After all, technology wasn't exactly her particular area of expertise, not that she wasn't a quick learner and an even harder worker. But computer crimes didn't have the same atmosphere as SVU. Sure she'd made friends, joked around with coworkers, and smiled all the time… but on some level it all felt a little fake to her and it wasn't much of a mystery as to why. She missed interrogations, the thrill of catching a suspect in their own twisted game of dirty lies. It was like a dance that her feet were itching to repeat the steps to. She even missed the interaction with victims; the feeling of having somewhere to channel her nurturing instincts towards. Without the victims, she felt more childless than ever. And sadly enough, she was even longing to walk by and hear someone spewing out crazy conspiracy theories. Yeah, there was definitely something missing.

Olivia continued on through the mostly empty hallways and left through the north exit, which backed out onto the parking lot. She'd reached her car, one of the last three left, and cautiously glanced around before getting in. She sat for a while, not ready to leave just yet, and checked her phone again. She was informed, annoyingly enough, by the generic display that there were no new calls or messages. Since Porter left for California he'd gotten only two opportunities to call her and even then, the conversations were cut short. Even though they didn't have a lot of time together before he left she missed him and was desperately hoping that their lack of contact didn't want to make him change his mind.

And of course Elliot was always in the back of her mind. She thought that after how their last conversation went he'd want to apologize and set things right. She knew she hadn't come off as forgiving and probably gave the impression that time and space were what she needed. Still, she had assumed he'd call. But in the two months since their fight she hadn't heard a single word from him. _Maybe he's trying to teach me a lesson,_ Olivia thought. A more likely explanation was that he'd given up on their friendship, however little was left of it.

She'd seen him once, though, leaving the courthouse with Dani Beck. They'd been chatting away, looking satisfied and she assumed that maybe they'd won a case. She was sure that he hadn't seen her and she didn't go out of her way to speak to him, even though she hadn't been in a rush that day. She'd wanted to avoid what was bound to be an awkward and potentially unpleasant run-in. Olivia knew that he never meant to hurt her, but the damage was done nonetheless.

With a sigh, Olivia finally willed herself to begin the drive home. She was tired and slightly on edge so when her phone rang she nearly swerved out of sheer surprise. She looked at the caller display to see that it was Cragen calling her, and she couldn't decide whether she was disappointed or relieved. She answered the phone, putting it in speaker mode to avoid any more vehicular mishaps.

"Captain?"

"I hope you're calling me Captain because you're coming back."

_What?_ "No." A nervous laugh escaped her. "Just force of habit."

"Liv, you know you belong here."

"What's changed in 2 months, Cap—er, Don?"

"Detective Beck left, so there's an opening." Cragen paused, then continued, "And there's no one else I'd rather have fill it."

Olivia was silent for a long time before responding hesitantly. "I don't think that that's such a good idea."

"We need you here and Elliot needs a partner. He needs _you_."

Olivia begged to differ, but all she said was, "I'll think about it."

As if she hadn't thought about it already; she'd agonized over the idea of coming back to SVU for months. She thought about how amazing it would feel to see the people she considered family and the place that was more of a home to her than anywhere she'd ever lived. It was painful to leave, but she knew that it would be even harder to come back because the person that made her love it the most was the reason she'd been staying away. She imagined sitting across from him once again. She didn't know how she was supposed to ignore the rift that'd grown between them. How would they even begin to re-establish their partnership and that undeniable connection they'd once shared?

She knew she had a choice to make: stay safe in a place where she didn't feel she truly belonged or return to the job she was passionate about but where the potential for more heartbreak was certain. _Definitely not gonna get any sleep tonight._

_

* * *

_

_{{Two weeks later…}}_

They stopped for lunch, deliberately choosing a café that one of their main suspects, Patrick Jensen, liked to frequent. They'd been sitting there for forty minutes and the silence between them was thickening by the second; the tension could not be any more palpable. Olivia had ordered a tea and a salad, barely touching either. She was alternating between fidgeting with the tea label, moving the fork around her plate, and checking her phone every two minutes. Elliot wondered who she was expecting a call from and grew inexplicably jealous.

Since she came back a couple of weeks ago their partnership felt forced and stilted. They'd avoided any topic that would lead to any sort of personal conversation. Things got so awkward that it got to a point where they often chose to split up tasks so as to spend the least amount of time around one another. So Elliot didn't feel compelled to start a conversation right then since it would only be strained at best. He himself wasn't that hungry but he ate his sandwich anyway, taking small bites and chewing far longer than was necessary to keep his mouth occupied and his mind distracted.

"Look, I think that's him," Olivia said so suddenly that he nearly choked. She motioned with her head in the direction of the counter where a man who fit the description of their eyewitness stood.

Elliot turned around. "I think you're right," he replied absently. He'd never been more relieved to see a perp.

Elliot reached into his wallet and fished out enough money to foot the bill and they both stood up and headed towards Jensen, trying to remain inconspicuous. He was obviously smarter than they gave him credit for because he immediately abandoned the line and walked out of the café.

"Shit," Olivia murmured under her breath, reading his mind. Maybe they weren't as out of sync as he'd initially thought.

They dropped all pretense of being casual civilians and rushed after Jensen. Elliot was the first one out the door and saw which direction their suspect ran towards. "Come on, this way," he said to Olivia, not stopping to see if she was following him. He turned to his right and began running, Olivia not far behind. They chased him for a few blocks, pushing past confused and alarmed bystanders. Suddenly up ahead, Jensen turned a corner. Olivia followed him but Elliot kept running intending to turn at the next block in hopes of being able to corner him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Olivia briefly nodding in his direction, wordlessly acknowledging his plan. For a moment, he felt like they were transported back to a time when their partnership was on solid ground when they could just read each other and instantly know what the other one was thinking. Elliot picked up his pace and turned at the next block searching for a way to cut through to the alley that Olivia followed Jensen into. He jumped a fence and landed roughly on the other side. He listened intently, but heard nothing and suddenly got the feeling that something was terribly wrong. He was sure they must have turned in here… there was nowhere else to go. And then he spotted Olivia lying on the ground and rushed over to her.

"Olivia! Wake up, damn it!" Elliot yelled at her unconscious form, his voice heavy with desperation. He took her head in his hands and felt something wet. He shifted the weight of her head to his right hand and took his left out to examine it only to find that his worst suspicion was confirmed; she was bleeding profusely. He grabbed his cell phone from his pocket with his bloody hand and dialed 9-1-1. Not waiting for the operator to ask him to state his emergency he barked, "This is Elliot Stabler, badge number 6313. I have an officer down and I need a bus at 63rd and Broadway. Hurry!"

* * *

Elliot paced in the waiting room, nearly burning a hole into the shiny, linoleum floor. This was taking way too long, which was usually a bad sign in itself. And what's more was that Olivia had bled quite a lot. _What if she doesn't wake up?_ No. He pushed those thoughts away; he was bound to get easily lost going down that long, dark road. When the ambulance came after what seemed like forever, but was in reality only 5 minutes, he rode alongside the paramedics and the still unconscious Olivia. He'd managed to get his wits together enough to call Cragen and let him know the situation. He stopped in his place and put his hand on his head, trying to ward off the impending headache. He applied pressure on his lobes and tried to massage the tension away to no avail; the pounding only intensified.

This whole situation was his fault. He should have had her back. He shouldn't have let Olivia follow Jensen into the alley alone. He should have known what would happen. He let her down and it could cost Olivia her life. Angry tears sprang to his eyes and he blinked them away. He wanted so badly to punch something but the hospital was not exactly the most appropriate place to commit vandalism. He sat down on one of the plastic chairs and rested his head in his hands. He heard footsteps approaching in his direction and thinking it was the doctor with some news he looked up only to see a man in a tidy suit. Then, right behind him, a nurse was chasing after him calling out, "Sir, if you're not family you can't be here right now. You can come back tomorrow when visiting hours start again." But to no avail. The man just kept on walking and Elliot completely dismissed him, figuring he was just there to visit someone else in the wing. But when the man stopped to look in the window of the room where Olivia was laying Elliot shot up from his seat, wanting to know who the hell this man was and why he was there. Surely he was mistaken. The nurse was still trying to tell the man that he couldn't be there. Elliot approached them and asked the man, "Are you lost?" He could have been nice, polite, or even civil. But the question came out hostile and he didn't care. He was living through what could potentially be the worst day of his life.

"I'm here to see Olivia Benson." Elliot was dumbstruck. He was sure the man was going to say somebody else's name, but apparently he was right where he intended to be. As the shock wore off, Elliot started to realize that the man looked a little familiar but he shook it off. In this line of work, you met a lot of people and heard a lot of names and most of the time the two never stuck together. Then he started wondering why this man was here to see Olivia. He didn't work at their precinct, she had no living relatives, and she didn't have a boyfriend. But then Elliot flashed back to an evening two months ago… he thought then she'd been on a date and… and it clicked into his brain where he'd seen the man before… he held the door open for him as Elliot was entering Olivia's apartment building that night. Was this her date that night? It must have been, it would be too great of a coincidence.

He wanted to tell this man to leave. He wanted to tell him that he had no business being here or in Olivia's life at all. But speech had abandoned him. He felt betrayed, angry, and jealous. "I'm Dean Porter. You must be Olivia's partner," Porter held out his hand and waited for Elliot to reciprocate the handshake and tell his name. But Elliot couldn't. The nurse had obviously given up trying to dissuade Porter from intruding during non-visiting hours and walked away, which neither man paid attention to. Porter must have realized that the shock of what had happened was taking its toll on Elliot so he retracted his hand, awkwardly but without any apparent resentment and simply asked, "Would you just tell me what happened?"

Before Elliot could even utter anything resembling a response, he noticed the doctor approaching out of the corner of his eye. His heart began to beat at twice its normal rate and he hoped he wouldn't succumb to a heart attack before he got to hear the news.

"Detective Stabler?" the doctor asked, looking quizzically at both men.

"That'd be me," Elliot replied promptly, flashing his badge briefly for confirmation.

"I'm Dr. Lowe. I'll need to speak with you privately since you're listed as Ms. Benson's next of kin," he said, leading Elliot away from Porter. Elliot spared him a glance before following Dr. Lowe and was taken aback at the sincerity of the concern displayed on his face. He felt another stab of envy and confusion but reminded himself that this wasn't the time to speculate on the nature of their relationship. They walked back to the waiting area and sat down in a relatively secluded corner.

"Is she… will she be alright?"

"Her skull was fractured, causing the brain to swell. We've done everything we can to reduce the swelling, but there's no telling when she'll wake up and how she'll be affected. We're just going to have to give it time and keep monitoring her."

It wasn't the worst news but it came precariously close. He felt the room closing in on him, threatening to cut off his air supply. The fluorescent lights were too bright and the afterimages were dancing before his eyes. He realized that he'd been staring off into space for a while and blinked, bringing the room back into focus. The doctor apparently sensed his distress because he said, "I'll give you some privacy." Elliot barely registered it. If Olivia… if she died, it would be on his hands and on his conscience for the rest of his life. And he wouldn't be able to bear the loss of the most important person to him. If there was any hope, Elliot would hang on to it with everything he had left in him.

* * *

**AN:** Hopefully, the next update will take less time. Keep those reviews coming to motivate me! Also, for those of you who are reading my other ongoing fic, Caught, I'm working on updating that soon as well.


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